I'll be on you like a chicken on a june bug!
He’s about as handy as a back pocket on a shirt.
She’s so clumsy she could trip over a cordless phone!
He’s about as useful as a pogo stick in quicksand.
If brains were leather, he wouldn’t have enough to saddle a junebug.
Well, slap my head and call me silly!
Well tie me to a pig and role me in the mud!
Well tie me to an anthill and fill my ears with jam!
He’s not particularly intelligent:
The engine’s runnin’ but nobody’s driving.
If his brains were dynamite, he couldn’t blow his nose
He’s so dumb, he could throw himself on the ground and miss.
He’s so dumb he couldn’t piss his name in the snow.
That boy’s two bricks shy of a full load.
I think that boy’s about two sandwiches shy of a picnic.
I think he’s one fry short of a Happy Meal.
He’s so rich, he buys a new boat each time one gets wet.
You’ve got champagne taste with a beer pocketbook.
He’s tighter than a flea’s ass over a rain barrel.
He doesn’t have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out.
It’s drier than happy hour at the Betty Ford clinic!
It’s cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table!
It’s so dry the trees are bribing the dogs.
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